would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
