omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
