mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
