she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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