haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
