wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
