Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
