Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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