Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
