you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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