he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
