Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
