Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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