Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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