i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
