I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
