are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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