it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
