ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
