There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
