I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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