I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
