Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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