i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
