she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
