yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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