I just cut my nipple shaving
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
