how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize