I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
