That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
