So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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