i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
