I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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