Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
