I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
