Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
