Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
