you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize