you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
