i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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