Can i not drive my cunt home
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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