apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
