Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
