I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
