In the future we'll all be gay
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
