he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
