shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize