You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The power of my boobs compel you
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
