What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
