She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
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filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
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I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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