just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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