I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
