Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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