i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
