life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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