does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
