Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
