i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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