This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
