Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
