Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
There are leaves in my underwear?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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