If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
