DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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