I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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