I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
