I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
