His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
