If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I came so hard my ears popped.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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