grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
