the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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