I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat