I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
