Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
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He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
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Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.