if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.