im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
No subtext here. People are naked.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.