the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her