I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
