just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
